Hit The Road Jack

OK so due to unforseen circumstances (mainly being kicked out of the parental home), I haven't had access to the internet, so I've not been able to have my usual outbursts on here!

So a quick life update. Yes you did read correctly..I was kicked out of the parental home...LITERALLY! So I've now moved to an area full of Old Age Pensioners and the typical family unit of 2.4 children. It's weird, but I'm closer to one of my best friends which is always good.

Let me explain the situation. I was asked for some money, I didn't have it. We argued. I threatened to leave. The mother said get out then. The end.

So I sat down one day thinking about how my life has turned out and how I possibly could've changed it. I only lived with my mother (parents seperated a while back now) and as a pair, we had been through A LOT together.

We both supported each other in difficult times. We both stayed up till 4am talking and having heart to hearts and crying (with bottles of wine surrounding us). We also had a lot of fun together as mother and son. My mother is like a sister to me.

So now she has kicked me out. Permanently. Which is a scary thought. I told my best friend about the situation and he said to me that I should cut my mum out of my life. I disagreed. He then said that I'm acting like a child and I'm "waiting to crawl back to mummy". Yes what she has done is not nice AT ALL, but my mother is not cruel. She raised me for most of my life. I never wanted for anything in my life either. I can't just cut her off like that. Our friendship was almost over because of the conversation (there was a lot more to it).

My friend seems to think that me cutting my mother out of my life will help me to stand on my own two feet. Yes it would help me, but the fact of the matter is she is my mother. I've lived with her for most of my 21 years of life and she means the world to me. And I only get one mother.

Am I wrong in thinking like that? Is my friend right in thinking that I'm acting like a child? Am I just looking for sympathy? I don't think this is the case. What I merely need from my friends at a time like this is support.

And since this has happened, my mother and I are now on talking terms. I'm actually at the house right now and I'm staying for the night before going back to West London. Our relationship is still the same in the sense that we get on, however we have given eachother space.
I don't know what to think about the situation. Have you ever been through a similar situation? Have you done what my friend suggested and cut certain family members out of your life? What makes it so easy for you to do that??

Fingers hurt now from typing I think, but I needed to get it all off my chest!

Too Honest With Yourself??

I've always wondered about this. If you can ever be too honest with yourself. You know how I mean. For example, you finally admit to yourself, the feelings you have for a certain someone. But you don't want to admit it really, and you end up getting hurt. That theory of "wearing your heart on your sleeve". I say this because many times have I admitted things to myself and regret ever thinking about it. It just messes with my head and something happens for me to get hurt. This is a short one, but maybe sometimes it's best to keep some of these thoughts to the back of your mind? Had you not admitted these feelings, could things have been different? Can being too honest with yourself, somehow make matters so much harder for you?

Friends Seem to Come and Go

I should seriously be in bed right now, but my soul is restless. I've spent the last hour or so crying my eyes out. It's been somewhat of a crazy week for me. I've had my ups (like getting a new job) but also had my downs (which I won't go into right now), but it seems that it's now all taken it's toll on me and I need to release. But my main thought has been about friends. And I'm talking about people that you consider your true true friends.

I've heard from friends that I haven't heard from in a long long time, which is fantastic. But I've also felt like I'm loosing some friends. Friends that mean the world to me. Friends that I would do anything for. And it was today while YouTube-ing away that I found this video below, and for some reason really touched my heart. We all have close friends. But in your time of need, who is the one that is really there?

How gay is G-A-Y??

So my net has been gone for MOST of today (I was nearly in tears!) and there was nothing interesting (as usual) on TV. So I phone a friend and we decide to go out for a few drinks...to G-A-Y of all places! Don't judge me for it..but it's £1.60 per drink, so I wasn't complaining!.

But my god! How camp is it?! I walked in there and was accosted by a load of screaming queens! Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against feminine/camp guys...they've got more balls than I have to be the way they are in public. But seriously, I've been going to G-A-Y for a long time now and it only just hit me, as to how properly gay it is!

It seems that people fall into 4 categories in this place..

A) Screaming queen, with a man bag, and enough make up to get it under your fingernails and knows every dance move to a Steps video.

B) The fag hag. Dressed like she's on the pull (in a gay bar???) and seems to love every gay boy who walks past her. .(for any Americish people here, if you're wondering what a fag hag is, just think of Grace from Will and Grace!

C) The "straight acting" gay guy who wants to be there, but doesn't quite want to show that he's enjoying himself too much.

And last but not least, D) Lesbians. Nothing much to say after that.

I'm kind of slowly but gradually being put off the gay scene in London. I like a gay venue, because I like to be able to think that I can kiss the guy I'm with (if I get the urge) without getting silly looks from the straights. But it seems like any decent gay venue is either too expensive (you'd have to re-mortgage your house to have a decent night out), or they're closing down!.

Time Out Magazine recently named Vauxhall as "London's hedonist hotspot": "For all the debauchery-friendly criteria it meets, Vauxhall is no longer home to London's hip gay dance scene", decent venue's like Soho's Profile are soon to close down. The gay scene is slowly becoming a very small, concentrated area, known as G-A-Y.

So I make it my mission. To find at least 3 decent venues in London, where I am not surrounded by screaming queens or fag hags, I can hear myself speak and don't have to worry about some drunk little boy spilling his drink over me.

This is going to be one HELL of a mission!

OK I Lied..

Yes, I lied to you all. For all us UK-ers out there, it turns out the YouTube have blocked ALL music videos (US included) from us. All you Americish people are perfectly fine (for now), yet we Englands are having our entertainment taken away from us...What a f***ing liberty!!

YouTube to Take Down Official UK Music Videos

Today is a very sad day for those of us who love to download music videos from YouTube. The BBC have reported that they are to take down all official UK videos after failing to reach an agreement with the Performing Right Society.

Videos are being blocked starting from today so by tomorrow, they will be no more. YouTube which is owned by search engine Google, says that the move is "regrettable". So regrettable that they're going to do it anyway!

So this is it. The end of it all. Us music video watchers are going to have to find somewhere else to watch these videos. When you do find one, let me know where!!.

And just for you guys, I have decided to put up a music video (while we still can!).

Enjoy!!

Well this is a film!

OK, so I watched an amazing film last night. A German film actually. Never been one for German films, but this one got my attention.

Summer Storm ('Sommersturm') is a German coming-of-age film written and directed by Marco Kruezpaintner, starring Robert Stadlober. The film chronicles a week in a rowing regatta where the main character, Tobi (Stadlober) questions the depth of his feelings for best friend Achim (Kostja Ullmann) whilst attempting to juggle a "normal" relationship with girlfriend Anke (Alicja Bachleda-Curus). Tobi's confusion is exacerbated with the arrival of rowing team 'The Queerstrokes', who are all out and proud, and an impending summer storm.u

Despite an occasional music video feel, specifically a cheesy music sequence of the landscape, Kruezpaintner employs some rather striking shots in the film. From a fallen tree, literally isolating Tobi from everyone; to Tobi letting loose and jumping off a lake dock, and, to the actual 'summer storm', Kruezpaintner displays intelligent visual metaphors for the internal confusion and fear that builds up within Tobi.

Even more impressive are the performances, with Stadlober perhaps channelling his own experiences (he is openly bisexual) into the difficult, and sometimes selfish, character of Tobi. Also notable is Marlon Kittel's courageous and poignant performance as Leo, the 'Queerstrokes' member who helps Tobi accept his sexuality.

What is most surprising about Summer Storm, however, is how it is perhaps aimed just as much towards Queer Film Festival critics as it is to teens. It is both a teen dramedy with honest performances and sensitive direction, and a foreign art-house flick housing a killer soundtrack and frat-boy culture.

All involved should be congratulated on presenting a film that is both honest with the psyche of homosexual teenagers, whilst still accessible enough to appeal to most (mature) audiences. A definite winner!

Shunned, Shunned and shunned again...

Don't you just HATE it when it happens? Not just once either...and by the same person! Yes I'm bitter, yes I'm holding a grudge and yes I'm airing it all to the rest of the world! I blame the bottle of wine next to my laptop for this outrage :)

I'm an Addict!

Ha, knew that would get your attention. But seriously I think I have an addiction. To the net! So I've been "net-less" for about 2 weeks. The only access I had was through my phone to go on MSN, but that was actually a waste of time as I kept getting cut off every 5 minutes.

I have felt SOO cut off from the world it's unreal! How on earth did we survive without the internet? Before the net it was phonecalls, letters oh and actually seeing people.

I have a friend (yes I do have them), well actually a best friend; I have withdrawal symptoms when I don't speak to him for a few days. He was meant to call me one day, and then another day, and then another. I didn't hear from him. I then speak to him online on the rare day that my phone decides to connect and he says "I'm not a phone person". Not a phone person??? What's that all about?? How do "non-phone" people survive? How did they survive when they couldn't text or email or facebook? Have you noticed that nowadays when you go out and meet someone, it's never "What's your phone number?" it's now "What's your Fcebook/Twitter/GaydarMyspace/Email?" the list goes on!.

I have a feeling that in a few generations time, the world will be full of "non-phone" people and phones will be nothing but a time in history.

I found myself getting almost depressed because I couldn't catch up on the latest satus updates of my "friends" on Facebook. I couldn't check my emails, and of course I couldn't write on my blog! So I've now admitted to myself that I am an addict. I've made the first step to a recovery.
I've decided that it's time for me to find something else to fill my time with other than just the net! If the whole net decides to just die one day what on earth would we do at 2 o'clock on a Wednesday night?

So I decided to go through my collection of books. Some I completed, some that look like they should still be on the shelf in the store I bought it in and some that I got bored off at the penultimate chapter. So that is now my new hobby. Reading. I aim to read a book a week (maybe more). I have so many books that I need to delve into, that it should stop me from being addicted to this thing they call the net!

I just hope I don't end up with yet another vice and then loose all control!